Let's begin with a hypothetical situation: your friend (or family member or co-worker or random stranger on the street) returns from an extended period of sabbatical taken for personal mental health reasons. You, naturally, are curious about the reason for the departure and decide to approach said friend, or family member, or what have you. After telling said person how glad you are to have them back, you say:
A. I heard you had depression. I've been sad like that before, but I never thought to get tested. Instead I just exercise. Have you tried exercising?
B. My ex-boyfriend's step-mother's sister had bipolar disorder and snapped and robbed a store and then shot her husband. Did you snap? Is that why you were sent away?
C. I'm really interested in stories like this. Like how people can actually think life is so bad that there's no reason to live. It's fascinating. Tell me what happened, start to finish.
D. So, I did research on your little problem and I really think if you stay positive and pray, then God will take this worry away from you. If you don't have enough faith, you'll stay this way. It's all in your head, you know.
E. Hey, I'm here if you ever want to talk about it.
Alright! If you answered ANYTHING but E, you failed. Miserably.
As someone with a mental disorder, I've heard variations of all of the above. It's not fun, to say the least. It's like people don't realize the hot mess you are after facing your proverbial giants.
There are hundreds of wrong things to say to someone when their mental state has been jeopardized, but alas!
There are hundreds of right things to say to someone with mental health issues as well.
Well, for me, personally, there is. Here's just a few.
1. I know you don't want to be around many people right now, but could I make you some tacos and we can have a movie night? I own all of the Captain America movies.
2. Do you want to go outside and scream until you're hoarse? Release some of that pent up aggression?
3. How is your therapy going? Anything I can help with?
4. Do you want to take a nap while I do a load of laundry?
5. Do you want to go lay in a field and stare at the stars?
6. Call me whenever you need to talk. I want to know when you feel that way.
7. I will always always ALWAYS be there for you. No matter what.
8. No, you are not crazy.
9. Want to go to the dog park?
10. Do you want to go for a drive?
11. You are not a burden.
12. You are so loved.
13. I'll be here with you through it all.
14. I'm thinking about grabbing dinner, want to join me?
15. Hey, I saw this funny story and it made me think of you!
It's not a lot. It's not life changing. It's simple and easy and not prying or condemning.
Most of the time, I say no. I don't want social interaction. I don't feel comfortable sharing my thoughts or feelings. But don't stop asking. Don't stop talking. Don't stop.
I, and others like me, need people who are constantly in our corner. We need to know that we are not alone, even when we push others away.
Be steady and patient. Be an unwavering support system. Be prepared for anything. Always keep chocolate on hand. Be there.
Until next time.
Make good choices.
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